[Wamvan] DTES POW "In Our Own Voices": Foster Home System Damaged Me by Debbie V,

[Harsha W.]

http://vancouver.mediacoop.ca/story/foster-home-system-damaged-me/7514

The Foster Home System Damaged Me
“In Our Own Voices,” Week II
by Debbie V. from DTES Power of Women Group

I was born in 1957 and in my early years I lived in a cabin with my mother
and six siblings in Quesnel B.C. When I was eight years old, our mother
took off and left us alone for three days. My younger siblings had no
diapers and we were eating dry oatmeal. As a result, the neighbour called
the Ministry of Children and Family Development (MCFD). When MCFD
apprehended us and took us into their custody, we were all separated from
one another except for one of my brothers and I who remained together.

I was brought up in 15 foster homes. Two of the homes I was in were
reasonably okay, while in the others I suffered neglect, starvation, and
physical and verbal abuse.

In the worst foster home that I was in, the foster father would touch me.
When I was washing the dishes, he would come up behind me and touch my
breasts and my genitals. I would tell him not to and move his hand away,
but he would keep doing it. To this day I still get scared when people
come up behind me.

The foster father would also sexually abuse my brother and me at night. We
slept in the basement on hard cots with one sheet separating the two of us
and we could hear everything that was happening to the other person. At
the age of 12, I became pregnant as a result of the rapes by my foster
father. When the foster father found out that I was pregnant because of
him raping me, he forced my brother to have sex with me and then told the
MCFD’s social worker that I was pregnant because of my brother. MCFD
forced me to have an abortion.

Although that was the worst foster experience that I endured, it was
certainly not unique. Sometimes foster parents would send us to bed
without dinner, and then we would wait until we could sneak into the
freezers at night. We hardly got any clothes, although all the foster
families get clothing allowances from MCFD for us. Beatings were
commonplace in a significant majority of the homes. In one foster home, I
was beaten with belts and wooden sticks to my head. Today, I have a
serious learning disability and I think my disability is due to the head
injuries that I sustained from the beatings, compounded by Fetal Alcohol
Syndrome.

My entire childhood I was too afraid to sleep. I remember vividly all the
nights I would lay awake and stare at the sky, wishing I could just fly
out the window. I was even scared to have showers, because it would mean
being naked and vulnerable.

My brother ran away. He stole food and clothes to survive, which landed
him in jail frequently. When I got older I would run away as well, and I
started drinking and doing drugs. I even tried to commit suicide by
jumping over a bridge, but a passerby grabbed me and MCFD put me back in
the same foster home. I could never understand why MCFD would keep putting
us back in the same foster homes that we had to run away from. They must
have known something was wrong, but they just ignored it.

I know that many other women have similar stories. Currently in BC, over
9,271 children are living in foster care, more than half of whom are
Aboriginal. As a recent PIVOT Legal Society report concluded: “The child
welfare system continues to fail to address the systemic factors impacting
children’s well being, such as poverty, the legacy of colonialism and the
lack of social supports for single mothers. We conclude that as long as
those systemic factors are ignored, B.C.’s government is not in a position
to claim that it is genuinely acting in the best interest of children.”

Recently, my brother and I tried to take these issues to provincial court.
The court said they could not do anything because MCFD was not legally
responsible for our mistreatment, abuse, and assault. They Court said that
we would have to file criminal charges against each individual foster
parent. But I believe it is the government’s responsibility for ensuring
we were placed in an appropriate and caring environment after apprehending
us.

My entire life has been affected by my apprehension and subsequent foster
home experiences. I feel damaged and inadequate. I was not taught a lot of
things that children learn in a supportive family environment, like
cooking, cleaning, reading, and writing. I am upset that the Court never
helped me seek justice. I am furious that social workers do not actually
care for children, or believe them when they tell MCFD about the negative
experiences in their foster homes.

Today, I am happy that I am alive. I have a good husband, three cats, a
home and a life that I am grateful for. I have not done drugs or alcohol
in years, and I still feel at home in the DTES. I have friends here who do
not judge my disability and do not call me ‘slow’ or ‘stupid’. I am not
stupid, I am a survivor.


Debbie V. is a volunteer at the Downtown Eastside Womens’ Centre and proud
member of the DTES Power of Women Group.

This story is part of the Downtown Eastside Power of Women “In Our Own
Voices” writing project. For more information and to read more stories,
please visit http://vancouver.mediacoop.ca/author/dtes-power-women-group


-- 
Harsha Walia

https://twitter.com/HarshaWalia
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http://vancouver.mediacoop.ca/author/dtes-power-women-group