[Viva] Dating and Disclosure

Sun May 13 20:27:02 PDT 2018

Happy mother's day to àll the ladies who miss their mother or their child.

Bless.

On Sun, May 13, 2018, 7:16 PM heidi safford via Viva <viva at lists.resist.ca>
wrote:

> Thanks for sharing your insights Danielle and Melanie
> [image: *:) happy]
>
>
> ------------------------------
> *From:* Danielle <northern.islander at gmail.com>
> *To:* viva at lists.resist.ca
> *Sent:* Sunday, May 13, 2018 3:00 PM
> *Subject:* Re: [Viva] Dating and Disclosure
>
> Hi Melanie
>
> Dating is a tricky game for most people.   Being HIV+ increases anxiety
> far more than ordinary fear of rejection.  It's a wonder that any of us
> ever attempt it.   The real truth underlining what I wrote is that I never
> do attempt dating anymore.   That is,  I never approach anyone with dating
> on my mind.   Occasionally though,  I am still approached by men who make
> who take a fancy interest in me.   Disclosure goes on the table immediately
> for exactly the reasons I've given. However, with extremely rare exception,
> their ardour goes into rapid retreat and while I have their attention I use
> the moment as an opportunity to educate and hopefully convince them that
> HIV status is a necessary component of discussion before jumping into a
> sexual encounter.
>
>  In my old-fashioned mind,  anyone who wants to "date" is moving slowly
> enough to form a conversational relationship first.   HIV is one of those
> things that might reasonably be talked about as part of that development
> process anyway.   It's only the people who are thinking about sex as part
> of the first meeting that have been an issue for me.   Being rejected under
> that circumstance doesn't hurt my feelings at all.
>
> I know lots of men often want that kind of night-out-hookup,  especially
> as part of the culture of men who have sex with men.  I know that some
> women do as well but I find that occurs less often.   Women who have HIV
> are even less likely to seek hookups.   I was never interested in one night
> stands.
>
> ...and oh ... thank you for your message.   Acknowledgement is sweet ...
> and you also helped me remember I said I'd give some sort of bio.   I'll
> try to get that done, assuming I can keep that thought in my head long
> enough,  after I take some time to talk to my mom.   (#mothers day)
>
> smiles
> Danielle
>
>
> On Sun, May 13, 2018, 10:56 AM M L <givemegiggles at hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> Thanks Danielle, my thoughts and actions around dating are much the same
> as yours. Disclosing the sooner the better.
>
>
> On Sun, May 13, 2018, 10:56 AM M L <givemegiggles at hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> Thanks Danielle, my thoughts and actions around dating are much the same
> as yours. Disclosing the sooner the better.
>
> Melanie
> ------------------------------
> *From:* Viva <viva-bounces at lists.resist.ca> on behalf of Danielle <
> northern.islander at gmail.com>
> *Sent:* April 4, 2018 8:14:07 PM
> *To:* viva at lists.resist.ca
> *Subject:* Re: [Viva] Dating and Disclosure
>
> Good evening ladies.
>
> I have a long and winding tale regarding my experiences with disclosure
> and dating.  The pertinent point is that I waste no time disclosing my HIV
> status because I find there is less residual emotional impact when it is
> one of the first things a potential romantic interest learns about me.  By
> putting my status out on the table as soon as I realize there is any mutual
> interest beyond a friendly cup of coffee together they don't have time for
> anything except back peddling to change their mind.  Better for me.  Better
> for them.  I'm always happy to let them easily off the hook.
>
> I'm new here ... just since meeting Margarite this past long weekend at
> the Gathering in Vancouver .... and will write up some kind of bio
> introduction at some point soon.  In the meantime I'll do my best to
> participate here, at least by way of responding to others' posts.
>
> Be well.
> Danielle
>
> On Wed, Apr 4, 2018 at 2:31 PM, Jan Ouellette <janyblue811 at hotmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> Thank you all for your love and hope❤
> Janet
>
> On Apr 4, 2018 2:21 PM, heidi safford via Viva <viva at lists.resist.ca>
> wrote:
> Ladies THANK YOU for sharing your stories. They are lovely to hear
> and they give me HOPE [image: *:x lovestruck]
> Heidi
>
>
> ------------------------------
> *From:* Pegfrank <pegfrank at telus.net>
> *To:* Margarite Sanchez <Viva at lists.resist.ca>
> *Sent:* Wednesday, April 4, 2018 11:38 AM
> *Subject:* [Viva] Dating and Disclosure
>
> Hi
>
> At the gathering I shared that I had met a partner, someone to sit quietly
> at home, and adventure (locally) with — online. He does not like to travel,
> and has little funds to do so. I shared my status on our second date, which
> I often did with others. My feeling is — if I get a bad reaction, this is
> not someone who I want to spend time with. But it hurts initially. There
> were a few slaps across the face — figuratively. In fact, I was ready to
> give up. I was shifting my focus from partnership to someone to have an
> occasionally coffee with, when I met this guy. After talking to a few a
> women, who are scared by the prospect of online dating, and disclosure, I
> asked the guy, why he didn’t leave. He knows very little about HIV.
> “You are so trustworthy. I trusted, immediately, that you wouldn’t hurt
> me.” So that’s my story. Does anyone else have one? I encourage women to
> get out and see if there is someone waiting for them. We feel like we have
> been waiting for each other for dos of our lives. Things are so easy
> between us. There is an energy that arises from relationships that doesn’t
> get aroused by anything else. If you want a relationship, imagine what is
> critically important, let other stuff go, and go for it. I want us all to
> be content.
> Hugs from here. And I know that this is only applicable to some of us, but
> thought I would share.
> - Peggy Frank
>
> “
>
> *I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars
> and books; I have begun to listen to the teachings*
> *My blood whispers to me.*”
> - Herman Hesse
>
>
>
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