[Viva] EXTENSION - a members thoughts

Mon May 23 23:07:42 PDT 2011

Dear Alex and VIVA Friends:

I am speaking to you as a VIVA member.  I have not sought permission to
speak to you in my role as a Positive Living BC Director.  The Board has
directed that our Chair, HIV+ Glyn Townsen will make any official statements
by the Board on issues which Positive Board members all decide upon.

Quite a few years ago, when I founded the Hummingbird Kids, I realized there
was a big difference between speaking *for *kids and families living with
HIV and the opposite, which was *listening *to their needs and supporting
them.  It would have been easy to say "oh well, they're not capable, they're
sick, they have so many things to do, school, etc., they need us to speak
for them" and in fact many people said it in a meeting at the Canadian AIDS
Society.  But too often adults just decide to protect young people and then
decide what is right for them, instead of asking them.  You see, there are
human rights and children's rights and children have the right to be heard
regarding their own issues.  Eventually, it was realized that you can't have
a meeting involving young people if you hold it during the school year!  It
sounds so simple but NGO's were so used to talking *for *young people that
they didn't give them a chance to speak *for themselves.  *Eventually, young
HIV teens attended the Canadian AIDS Society and formed their own group, it
was one of the highlights of my life with HIV and made me very happy to see
them.  I was so tempted to offer advice or listen in to their meetings but I
had no right - this was about them, not me.

We, as women living with HIV, have that right too.  We have the right to
decide for ourselves what happens in *our *lives.  We don't need others to
tell us what they think we need.  We know their experience is helpful but at
the end of the day it is the "lived experience" which forms the work.  Yes,
sure it is nice to have a "safe place" but it's important for staff to
listen to us and make it as easy as possible for us to take charge of our
lives.  We need to be included, not spoken for.  We don't need "dumbing
down", we need *respect and education*.  We are *not *here to support an
NGO, they are here to support us in empowering our lives.  Anything less is
an patronizing and tokenism.  NOTHING ABOUT US WITHOUT US.

Thank you, Alex, for your brave words, they needed to be said and I fully
support you.

Denise Becker

On Mon, May 23, 2011 at 12:56 PM, James and Ally Keating <
keatingfamilycircus at telus.net> wrote:

>  **
> *
> Hello ViVA Friends,
>
>     I have decided to respond to this e-mail as it stirs all kinds of
> thoughts for me. Since I am writing as an individual ViVA member and NOT as
> a member of the working group the following does not reflect the working
> group or ViVA's position...but mine only. With that said, here's what I'm
> thinking.
>
>     After reading and re-reading this letter from PWN I am left with both
> certainties and confusion. I have the sense that PWN does not have a
> clear understanding of who/what ViVA is even though we have made efforts in
> the past to enlighten them. Another ViVA member recently pointed out to me
> that PWN erroneously states in their letter "both PWN & ViVA work closely
> with positive women", the error being that they might work with positive
> women but WE ARE POSITIVE WOMEN. This is a big difference.
>
>     One of the issues that cause me some confusion is the question of
> why??? Why is PWN sending this letter? Why does PWN want to have a
> relationship with ViVA now? On 06/29/2009 ViVA sent an e-mail to PWN (which
> was copied to us, the listserv) trying to establish a relationship which
> would "foster mutual respect and a reciprocity of resources". PWN's reply of
> 06/30/2009 seemed to say to me they were not interested in a relationship
> with ViVA based on reciprocity & respect so much as they seemed interested
> in soliciting the ViVA membership to join PWN. So again, why? What is it
> they want to share with us and want us to share with them? I believe
> PWN would gain much from a relationship with ViVA...but could we say the
> same? Does PWN have anything to share with us that we need/want or would
> this be a one sided relationship from which we gain little if anything. I
> would very much like to know the answers to some of these questions and
> would like to hear your thoughts about this. I would also hope some
> indication of the answers to these questions would be forthcoming before
> ViVA would consider a meeting.
>
>     Something I feel a certainty about is that PWN as an organization does
> not share certain fundamental principles that are intrinsic to ViVA, things
> like the equality of all involved, anti-oppression policies/actions and
> being a member driven organization.I also know there is a large number of
> women who have felt wronged, marginalized and/or disrespected by PWN, many
> of whom are ViVA members. I would hope that ViVA would not have dealings
> with an organization which has had such a negative impact on so many of
> it's members unless said organization could acknowledges these views and
> express what has or will be changed so these circumstances will not be
> repeated.
>
>      For these and other reasons PWN, as it stands today, is an
> organization I would not want ViVA too partner with. But these are only my
> thoughts...Ally
>
>
> **PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS SUBJECT....I REALLY HOPE TO HEAR
> FROM YOU.   :~)
>
> *
> **
> **
> **
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> *From:* VIVA Working Group <vivawomen at gmail.com>
> *To:* ViVA <viva at lists.resist.ca>
> *Sent:* Tuesday, May 17, 2011 7:10 PM
> *Subject:* [Viva] EXTENSION
>
> Tuesday May 17, 2011
>
> Hi ViVA women,
> We have had a few responses from ViVA members regarding this email from
> Marcie Summers at PWN but we don't feel any hurry to respond so we want to
> give all of you more time to get back to us with your feelings on this.
> Therefore we are forwarding the same email with the letter attached.
> Alternately, if anyone would like to reply by telephone please call
> Margarite toll free: 1 866 482 3445 (home).
> thank you
>
> ps. see below for ViVA Working Group members
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>  Wednesday May 11 2011
>
> Hello Friends
>
> This note is being sent out from the VIVA working group in order to give
> the membership an opportunity to give feedback regarding a letter sent to
> VIVA from Marcie Summers of PWN . You will find a copy of this letter
> attached.
>
> The members of the working group have varied feelings about the letter from
> PWN and about what is being asked of us. We are bringing this letter to you,
> the membership, so that everyone can be heard on this issue. Some of what we
> are hoping to learn from all of you is how you feel about the letter’s
> content and request, what action you would like to see happen...if any and
> concrete ideas or questions you might want addressed.
>
> We want to hear all opinions, thoughts and concerns, so please send them
> in. In order to encourage all to speak freely, your reply to this e-mail
> will be going to our vivawomen at gmail.com account, which will be viewed by
> the working group only. We are asking that you reply within 48 hours.
>
> To any ViVA women who also want to have an open discussion about this
> subject on our listserv, please feel free to reply to viva at lists.resist.ca
>  as well.
>
>                                                                               Your
> Working Group
>
> Funke Ilumoka
>
> Alexandria Keating
>
> Margarite Sanchez
>
> Tami Starlight
>
> Shelly Tognazzini
> **
> **
> Your message is ready to be sent with the following file or link
> attachments:
> VIVA
>
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>
>
> --
> All the best,
>
> VIVA Working Group
> vivawomen at gmail.com
>
>
>
>
> --
> All the best,
>
> VIVA Working Group
> vivawomen at gmail.com
>
>  ------------------------------
>
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