[Viva] Calling for Feedback from Members

Mon Jun 13 11:46:22 PDT 2011

Thank you Denise...clarity rings true.

I echo your sentiment to move forward with positive intention and energy.

Thank you to all of the women who are ViVA!

Shelly Tognazzini

On Sun, Jun 12, 2011 at 9:01 PM, Denise Becker <dbecker106 at gmail.com> wrote:

> First, in answer to Kath, who asked me... I was at the Canadian HIV/AIDS
> Legal Network meeting because I applied for a scholarship.  I am a member of
> the Legal Network and used to be on their Board but I found that the Legal
> expertise needed for this Board and the knowledge of street involved women
> meant I was out of my league and so after two years I did not apply again.
>  Now that social media is more an issue, I felt that it was a good time for
> me to go to the meeting.
>
> On to the Draft Letter...
>
> I have stayed out of this because I am a Board member of Positive Living
> BC.  Since Kath has discussed the issue and she used to be on the Board of
> PWN then I think it is OK for me to talk about it, with the clear
> understanding that I am talking from a place of history with PWN and NOT
> from the viewpoint of Positive Living BC since I am not authorized to speak
> for them.  In fact, clearly, the only people who can speak on behalf of
> Positive Living BC are the Chair and Adam, the Communications Director (upon
> direction of the Chair).
>
> OK, so with that over, I will put in my two cents worth (which will seem
> like 99 cents if you read of all of this!).
>
> There have been good times for me and there have been bad times for me with
> PWN.
>
> Undoubtedly, the good times were the Retreats and being able to meet so
> many women at a time in my life when I needed to connect.  During these
> times, I met many women who were strong and courageous and they inspired me.
>  Unfortunately, some have now passed away but I have stayed friends with
> many.  The Retreats had workshops and ways of talking about what had
> happened to all of us.
>
> In addition, PWN was the group that gave me a chance to get out there and
> speak to people about living with this disease and they did it in a very
> careful way, which respected me and teamed me up with a doctor who took
> questions.  Quite frankly, it changed my life, mostly for the better but in
> some ways for the worse because I felt a little locked into the trauma of my
> diagnosis but that was totally my issue and I don't blame PWN for that at
> all.
>
> Those two things that helped me enormously.  At a conference I met BCPWA
> and realized they were a big organization with positive people and I was a
> little intimidated by them - they seemed so radical at the time!
>
> It became increasingly clear to me that PWN was mentioned by the staff as a
> "safe" space and that I felt more and more like I was not being empowered
> but was in a position of being allowed by the staff to go to conferences or
> to speaking engagements.  I felt that positive people were being told what
> they could and could not do.
>
> I was on the Board of PWN with four other positive women, three who have
> now passed away.  When we were elected we had to go through a process which
> decided if we were suitable candidates.  This disturbed me because I felt
> the membership should have just voted according to my bio on whether I was
> suitable and that I should not be hand-picked by the staff.
>
> Shortly after I became a Board member, there were cut backs in staff and
> money was tight.  The positive women on the Board were very concerned about
> the services which would be cut to members and so we decided to look at the
> financial statements, which seemed heavily weighted in favour of staff
> salaries.  At that point, we asked to see salaries of each staff member.  We
> were well aware that the Executive Director was earning a very high salary
> for the hours worked compared to similar positions in the rest of the
> country.  However, on asking for these salaries we were told that we didn't
> understand the issue and that we didn't have enough history with the
> organization.  The staff even talked about setting up a union and we
> realized that our positions were merely "rubber stamp" positions of anything
> the staff wanted to do.  We all immediately resigned and had nothing more to
> do with PWN.
>
> After this, I founded the Hummingbird Kids Society.  It deeply disturbed me
> that at conferences PWN was claiming to be a society for women *and
> children *and yet their mandate was clearly for women alone.  I publicly
> criticized this at conferences and at funding meetings and eventually
> Hummingbirds got recognized by other organizations that it did, in fact,
> represent children.
>
> I then heard more and more from PWN that "positive women" didn't want to
> come out and had child care issues and then, of course.. there were the
> children who needed to be protected.
>
> For those of you who have read this far, thanks for staying with me up
> until now!
>
> OK, so I decided to put that behind me and be friends with Marcie et al.
>  As time went on I heard of more positive women having problems with PWN but
> I also saw Kath, whom I respect immensely, working with PWN.  I decided
> eventually to join Positive Living BC (or BCPWA as it was then) and I was
> amazed at what empowerment really meant.  I was given direct decision
> making, I was working WITH staff and the whole Board was HIV+.  They found
> ways for me to participate and it was more a case of me having to hold back
> from participating too much.  I finally felt like I had control over what
> went on in my life and that we were making a big difference in politics
> rather than whining that no one cared.  There were some difficult Boards to
> sit on but I really respected the incredible intelligence and foracity of
> the people I was with on BCPWA Board.  This continues to this day and I find
> the Board and staff really amazing, incredibly supportive and FUN!!!!
>
> When the Draft letter came out, I have to admit that I was mad.  I felt
> that if VIVA went back to being part of PWN then I would have to leave VIVA.
>  I had already left PWN and no longer wanted to be counted as a member.
>  However, I realized this was not about me, it was about the members of VIVA
> and so I decided that any letter by a working group that was in Draft form
> and put to the members of VIVA for comment was very democratic and THAT was
> something that PWN had never been to me.  It was at that point that I
> realized that VIVA itself had become an amazing organization that really
> didn't need any other organization to support it, it was going to do it all
> by itself and could get funding for being what it was - a voice for women
> that was democratic and empowering because it cared what the women thought
> who were its members.
>
> So, finally, it is my wish that VIVA now continues as an organization that
> has finally come of age and is fine just by itself and I think we should go
> for charitable status and carry on as the proud, strong women that we are!
>
> Denise
>
>
> On Sun, Jun 12, 2011 at 8:10 PM, heidi safford <hsafford at yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>> well said Kath :)
>>
>>  ------------------------------
>> *From:* Kath Webster <kathwebster at shaw.ca>
>> *To:* viva at lists.resist.ca
>> *Sent:* Sun, June 12, 2011 2:14:54 PM
>> *Subject:* Re: [Viva] Calling for Feedback from Members
>>
>>  Hi there working group,
>>
>>
>>
>> I appreciate that your letter is honest and that you are expressing some
>> openness to communication with PWN.  I also appreciate how tricky it is for
>>  the working group to navigate these issues.
>>
>>
>>
>> I was glad to see that you are speaking as  the working group and that you
>> have signed it as such.  Since ViVa is an informal group (which is what
>> makes Viva so great!) and the working group are not ‘elected’, it is an
>> important to clarify who you are speaking for which you have done. i.e you
>> are not attempting to speak for *all* Viva members.   Also, it’s great to
>> put a call out for  our feedback too as long as it’s understood that lack of
>> feedback doesn’t necessarily mean it is endorsed by all members.   That
>> said, it’s  great that you provide the opportunity for voices to be heard.
>>
>>
>>
>> My sense is that out of the 40 plus members of Viva it is a minority of us
>> who are attached one way or another to the PWN “issue”.  For most there is
>> likely no ‘issue’ and they are neutral.   That is just my sense... and
>> that’s why we mostly hear from the same people on this issue, including me!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> I would urge the working group to ponder this question:  ‘what
>> specifically do you need to move forward with these issues or *do* you
>> even want to move forward with these issues?”  (not asking for the actual
>> answers ...just a question to ponder).
>>
>>
>>
>> No group/organization/company is perfect and that’s because groups etc are
>> made up of human beings and we are all far from perfect!  Individuals and
>> groups are “WORKS IN PROGRESS” .    Of course it is necessary to give
>> feedback and ask for change when things aren’t working the way you would
>> like.  The more specific and concrete you can be in asking for changes , the
>> better and more effective it will be.  If we as people and as organizations
>> are not growing and changing , we are stagnating.  Three cheers for growth
>> and change; individually and collectively.
>>
>>
>>
>> Thanks for the contributions of all to the Viva e list.
>>
>> Wishing a relaxing Sunday to all,
>>
>> Kath
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> *From:* viva-bounces at lists.resist.ca [mailto:viva-bounces at lists.resist.ca]
>> *On Behalf Of *VIVA Working Group
>> *Sent:* June-10-11 8:01 PM
>> *To:* ViVA
>> *Subject:* [Viva] Calling for Feedback from Members
>>
>>
>>
>> Hi gals,
>>
>> After consultation with the ViVA membership, the ViVA Working Group has
>> put together this draft letter to send to Marcie Summers at PWN.
>> We would like the response to reflect the opinion of of ViVA women,
>> therefore please let us know if this draft is acceptable. You can do this by
>> clicking REPLY to this email, sending a separate email to
>> vivawomen at gmail.com or if you prefer call Margarite toll free 1 866 482
>> 3445
>> Please reply by Sunday evening.
>> Thank you
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Dear Marcie Summers,
>>
>>
>>
>> ViVA would like to thank you and acknowledge the receipt of your
>> invitation for 1 or 2 members to attend a PWN staff meeting for “information
>> sharing”. We welcome the potential of future communications.
>>
>>
>>
>> Many women in Viva have informed us of their concerns regarding working
>> with PWN, so it is important for us to gather more information about such a
>> meeting before agreeing to it. Therefore we would like to see an agenda and
>> know what “information sharing” looks like to you.  ViVA has made efforts in
>> the past to create a reciprocal relationship with PWN and we felt this
>> involvement was discouraged. Given the nature of past experiences, we would
>> like to know what, if anything, would be *new *and to our *mutual *
>> benefit.
>>
>>
>>
>> Viva is a unique group of women who have an understanding and appreciation
>> of what it is to live with HIV. We have been in existence 4 years and our
>> membership is growing steadily. This is due, in part, to the large numbers
>> of women living with HIV who have felt devalued, alienated and/or have not
>> had the kind of support they were looking for through their experiences with
>> PWN.  It is important to bring this up, since over the years many women
>> living with HIV have experienced marginalization, and we see it as a recurring
>> pattern.
>>
>>
>>
>> The ViVA working group agrees that in order for talks to begin between PWN
>> and ViVA it would first be necessary to acknowledge our shared history and
>> take steps towards reconciliation. This email is being copied to the above
>> addresses because we believe it is time for transparency.
>>
>>
>>
>> We appreciate you contacting us and sincerely hope that you will embrace
>> this opportunity to begin honest discussions. We look forward to your reply.
>>
>>
>>
>> Thank you,
>>
>>
>>
>> Funke Ilumoka
>>
>> Alexandria Keating
>>
>> Margarite Sanchez
>>
>> Tami Starlight
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> VIVA Working Group
>>
>> vivawomen at gmail.com
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>  ------------------------------
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>>
>
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