[Viva] girl talk article

Thu Apr 29 12:36:25 PDT 2010

Thanks for your two bits Mel...  this is why this topic is interesting -
because there are differing views.  Melanie is not alone I'm sure and this
point of view would be good to include in the article.  

For me, being asked this question is all about context.  Who , why, where,
when....    For example, just after my diagnosis at a PWN retreat it was a
huge topic of discussion for me as I was coming to terms with it and needing
to talk about it and hear other's stories.  It also comes up when I am
making a new friend or when beginning to date of course it comes up. 

 The key for me is having control of when and who I tell (and WHERE, like
not on the bus!  Or 30 seconds before the show starts at the movie theatre).
It bothers me when people are not sensitive enough to realize I am sharing
something that makes me very vulnerable - one of the most difficult life
experiences I've ever had.  

I haven't been asked 'how I got it' from a health care professional for many
years now.  The last time it happened it was a herbalist who asked and it
bothered me a lot because I couldn't see the reason for her asking except
out of curiosity!  It felt invasive and insensitive.  I asked her why she
wanted to know and she said it could be relevant to how I would be treated
with herbs.  I don't think so!!  So, after some discussion I figured out she
really wanted to know if I had an addiction issue (which yes, could be
relevant to how one is treated).  I advised her to be direct and ask that
question instead of how I got it.  The other reason it's a sensitive
question for me is because I don't know exactly how I got HIV!!  I know most
people do but some of us aren't sure, we can only guess.  

My point is that if you're HIV positive you are HIV positive and as Doreen
Millman said (the grandmother who spoke at the 1996 International AIDS
conference in Vancouver) IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!    

See this link to read her powerful speech:

http://www.positivelypositive.ca/articles/Doreen_HIV_speech.html

Maybe this can be reprinted in Living Positive.  It was a moving event in
our history!

PS Margarite I know this goes without saying but please do not put any of
this in an article without checking with me first.   

From: M L [mailto:givemegiggles at hotmail.com] 
Sent: April-26-10 2:29 PM
To: margaritesanchez at gmail.com; viva at lists.resist.ca
Subject: Re: [Viva] girl talk article

Hi All, I really don't mind if I am asked how I got it. I'm really curious
as to how one contracted HIV. For those your do feel uncomfortable talking
about how they were infected; would you be willing to share your reasons? I
just don't understand why it is such a HOT topic.

Melanie

  _____  

Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2010 14:49:48 -0700
From: margaritesanchez at gmail.com
To: viva at lists.resist.ca
Subject: [Viva] girl talk article

Hi all, 

The section called Girl Talk in the Living + magazine is for HIV+ women to
write about issues that affect us. ViVA has been given the space (2 pages)
every issue which comes out every two months.

There is something that continues to interest me and I would like to write
about, this is the issue of people and especially people in the medical
profession asking the question "How did you get it?"

 I think all HIV+ women get asked this question (it is a HOT topic) and I am
wondering if gay men experience the same thing to the same degree.

 I'm not talking about your GP or your HIV specialist, they need to know. 

I am talking about the dentist or ear nose and throat specialist or nurses
in the hospital or massage therapist or friends, etc....

My questions to you are: 

1) Has this been an issue for you?

2) If you do get asked "How did you get it?" why do you think people ask
that question? What are the underlying questions? (because the treatment is
the same no matter how we contracted the virus)

3) Do you have a story you would share with me about an inappropriate "How
did you get it?"

All responses will be kept confidential.

thanks,

Margarite

  _____  

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