[Shadow_Group] Are you a manarchist?

[shadowgroup-l at lists.resist.ca]

Terrific post!


> ARE YOU A MANARCHIST QUESTIONNAIRE
> General Questions:
> 
> I. Do you ascribe to either: A) Passive-Aggressive Patriarchy:" (often come
> across as a victim/helpless/in need/dependent and get women in your life to
> be your physical and emotional caretakers? to buy you things? to take care
> of your responsibilities? pick up your slack? use guilt or manipulation to
> get out of your responsibilities and equal share of the work? do you treat
> your female partner like a "mom" or your secretary?)
> 
> B) "Aggressive Patriarchy:" (Do you often take charge? Assume that a woman
> can't do something right so you do it for her? Believe that only you can
> take care of things? Think that you always have the right answer? Treat your
> female partner like she's helpless, fragile, a baby or weak? Do you put down
> your partner or minimize her feelings? Do you belittle her opinions?)
> 
> 2. How do you react when women in your life name something or someone as
> patriarchal or sexist? Do you think of her or call her a "PC Thug,"
> "Feminazj," "Thin-skinned," "Overly-Sensitive," a "COINTELPRO-esque" or
> "Un-fun?"
> 
> 3. Do you see talking about patriarchy as non-heroic, a waste of time,
> trouble making, or divisive?
> 
> 4. If a woman asks your opinion, do you assume she must not know anything
> about the subject?
> 
> 5. Do you believe that women have "natural characteristics" which are
> Inherent in our sex such as "passive," "sweet," "caring," "nurturing,"
> "considerate," "generous," "weak," or "emotional?"
> 
> 6. Do you make fun of "typical" men or "frat boys" but not ever check
> yourself to see if you behave in the same ways?
> 
> 7. Do you take on sexism and patriarchy as a personal struggle working to
> fight against it in yourself, in your relationships, in society, work,
> culture, subcultures, and institutions?
> 
> 8. Do you say anything when other men make sexist or patriarchal comments?
> Do you help your patriarchal and sexist friends to make change and help
> educate them? Or do you continue friendships with patriarchal and sexist men
> and act like there is no problem.
> 
> Activism Questions
> 
> 9. As a. man, is being a. feminist a priority to you? Do you see being a
> feminist as revolutionary or radical?
> 
> 10. Do you think that you define what is radical? Do you suffer from or
> contribute to macho bravado" or 'subpoena envy? (I.e. defining a true or
> "cool" and respectable activist as someone who has: been arrested, done
> lockdowns, scaled walls, hung banners, done time for their actions argued or
> fought with police, done property alterations, beat up nazi boneheads,
> etc.)?
> 
> 11. Do you take something a woman said, reword it and claim it as your own
> idea/opinion?
> 
> 12. Are you taking on the "shit" or "grunt" work in your organizing? (I.e.:
> Cooking. cleaning. set up, clean up phone calls, email lists, taking notes,
> doing support work, sending mailings, providing childcare?) Are you aware of
> the fact. that women often are taking on this work with no regard or for
> their efforts?
> 
> 13. Do you take active step to make your activist groups safe and
> comfortable places for women?
> 
> 14. If you are trying to get more women involved in your activist projects,
> do you try to engage them by telling them what' to do or why they should
> join your group?
> 
> 15. Do you ever find yourself monitoring and limiting your behavior and
> speech in meetings and activist settings because you don't want' to take up
> too much space or dominate the group? Are you aware of the fact that women
> do this all the time?
> 
> 16. Do you pay attention to group process and consensus building in groups
> or do you tend to dominate and take charge (maybe without even realizing
> it)?
> 
> Sexual/Romantic Relationships and Issues
> 
> 17. Do you make jokes or negative comments about the sex lives of women or
> sex work?
> 
> 18. Can you only show affection and be loving to your partner in front of
> friends and family or only in private?
> 
> 19. Do you discuss the responsibility for preventing contraception and
> getting STD screening prior to sexual contact?
> 
> 20. Do you repeatedly ask or plead with women for what you want in sexual
> situations? Are you aware that unless this is a mutually consented upon
> scenario/game that this is considered a form of coercion?
> 
> 21. During sex, do you pay attention to your partner's face and body
> language to see if she is turned on? Engaged, or just lying there? Do you
> ask a woman who she wants during sex? What turns her on?
> 
> 22. Do you ask for consent?
> 
> 23. Do you know if your partner has a sexual abuse, rape, or physical abuse
> history?
> 
> 24. Do you stay with your partner in a relationship for comfort and
> security? Sex? Financial or emotional caretaking? If you're not completely
> happy or "in love" with your partner anymore? Even though you don't think it
> will ultimately work out? Because you're afraid or unable to be alone? Do
> you suddenly end relationships when a "new" or "better" woman comes along?
> 
> 25. Do you jump from relationship to relationship? Overlap them? Or do you
> take space and time for yourself in between each relationship to reflect on
> the relationship and your role in it? Do you know how to be alone? How to be
> single?
> 
> 26. Do you cheat on your partners?
> 
> 27. If your girlfriend gets on your case for patriarchal behavior or wants
> to try to work on the issues of patriarchy in your relationship, do you
> creak up with her or cheat on her and find another woman who will put up
> with your shit?
> 
> 28. Do you agree to romantic commitment and responsibility and then back out
> of these situations?
> 
> 29. Do you understand menstruation?
> 
> 30. Do you make fun of women or write them off as "PMS-ING?"
> 
> Friendship Questions
> 
> 31. Do you tend to set the standard and plans for fun or do you work with
> the others in the group, including women to see what they want to do?
> 
> 32. Do you talk to your female friends about things you don't talk to your
> male friends about especially emotional issues?
> 
> 33. Do you constantly fall in love with your female friends Are you friends
> with women until you find out that they are not in love with you too and
> then end the friendships? Are you only friends with women who are in
> monogamous or committed relationships with other people?
> 
> 34. Do you come on to your female friends even jokingly?
> 
> 35. Do you only talk to your female friends (and not your male friends)
> about your romantic relationships or problems in those relationships?
> 
> 
> 36. Do you find yourself only attracted to "Anarcho-Crusty Punk Barbie",
> Alterna-Grrrl Barbie," or Hardcore-Grrrl Barbie?" (The idea here being that
> the only women you arc attracted to fit mainstream beauty standards but just
> dress and do their hair alternatively and maybe have piercings and tattoos)
> Do you question and challenge your internalized ideals of mainstream beauty
> ideals for women?
> 
> 37. Have you ever heard of or discussed "sizeism" and do you think it is low
> on the oppression scale?
> 
> 38. Are you aware of the fact that ALL WOMEN, even women in radical
> communities, live under the CONSTANT PRESSURE and OPPRESSION of mainstream
> patriarchal beauty standards?
> 
> 39. Are you aware of the fact that many women in radical communities have
> had and are currently dealing with eating disorders?
> 
> 40. Do you make fun of "model-types" or "mainstream" women for their
> appearance?
> 
> Domestic/Household Questions
> 
> 41. When was the last time you walked into your house, noticed that
> something was misplaced/dirty/etc. AND did something about it (didn't just
> walk by it, over it, away from it or leave a nasty note about it) even if it
> wasn't your chore or responsibility?
> 
> 42. Are you constantly amazed by the magical "food fairy" who mysteriously
> acquires food, brings it home, puts it away, prepares it in meal form and
> then cleans up afterwards?
> 
> 43. Do you contribute equally to domestic life and work?
> 
> 44. How many of the following activities do you contribute to in your home
> (this is a partal list of what it takes to run a household): A: Sweep and
> mop floors and clean carpets B: Wash and put away dishes C: Clean stove,
> countertops, sinks and appliances if they are messy and each time after you
> have prepared food D: Collect money, do food shopping, put away food and
> make meals for people you live with E: Do house laundry (kitchen towels,
> bathroom hand towels, washable rugs, etc.) F: Clean up common room spaces,
> even if it's not your chore G: Pick up other's slack H: Deal with garbage,
> recycling, and compost I: Take care of bills, rent, utilities J: Deal with
> the landscaping and gardening K: Clean bathrooms and make sure bathroom is
> clean after you use it L: Feed, clean up after, and take care of housepets
> 
> Children & Childcare
> 
> 45. Do you spend time with kids? If you do, do you spend time with children
> (yours or anyone's) in a way that is gendered? (do certain things with boys
> and other things with girls?
> 
> 46. If you are a father, do you CO-parent your children? (Spend equal time
> AND energy AND effort AND money to raise them)?
> 
> 47. Do you make childcare a priority? (at both activist events and in daily
> life)
> 
> 48. Do you help make the lives of single mothers in your life and community
> easier by finding out if and how you can assist?
> 
> 49. Have you politicized your ideas about child rearing and parenthood
> radical communities? Do you believe that individuals who are in the movement
> have children or that the movement has children?
> 
> Multi-Category Questions:
> 
> 50. When was the last time you showed a woman how to do a task rather than
> doing it for her and assuming she couldn't do it?
> 
> 51. When was the last time you asked a woman to show you how to do a task?
> 
> 52. Do you get emotional needs met by other women, whether or not you are in
> a romantic relationship with them? Or do you cultivate caring, nurturing
> relationships with other men in which you can discuss your feelings and get
> your needs met by them?
> 
> 53. If a woman discusses with you or calls you out on your patriarchy, do
> you make an effort to be emotionally present? Listen? Not emotionally shut
> down? Not get defensive? Think about what she said? Admit you fucked up?
> Take responsibility/make reparations for the mistakes you made? Discuss your
> feelings and ideas with her? Apologize? Work harder on your own shit to make
> sure that you don't make the same mistakes again with her or other women?
> 
> 54. Do you look inside yourself to find out why you fucked up in these
> relationships and work to both change your behavior and be a better
> anti-patriarchy ally in the future?
> 
> 55. Do you organize regular house meetings or activist meetings to resolve
> conflict in the house/group?
> 
> 56. Do you use intimidation, yelling, getting in someone's physical space,
> threats or violence to get your point across? Do you create and atmosphere
> or violence around women or others to threaten them (i.e.: throw things,
> break things, yell and scream, threaten, attack, tease or terrorize the
> animals or pets of women in your life)?
> 
> 57. Do you physically, psychologically, or emotionally abuse women?
> 
> 58. Do the women in your life (mothers, sisters, partners, housemates,
> friends, etc.) have to "remind" you or "nag" you or "yell" at you in order
> for you to get off your ass and take care of your responsibilities?
> 
> 
> 59. Do you talk to other men about patriarchy and your part in it?
> 
> 60. When was the last time you thought about or talked about any of these
> issues other than after reading this questionnaire?
> 
> Scoring: ALL MEN need to work on issues of patriarchy, sexism and misogyny.
> However, this questionnaire may point out to you areas of particular focus
> or concentration for your own anti-patriarchal/sexist/misogynist process and
> development.
> 
> 
> -----------------
> "The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the
> oppressed." (Steve Biko)
> 
> 
>
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://lists.resist.ca/pipermail/shadowgroup-l/attachments/20041123/73e9193f/attachment.html>