[news] FWD: Industrial relations as presented by the media can bebaffling, so we offer ... A guide for the perplexed

[Gordon Flett]

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A - I N F O S  N E W S  S E R V I C E 
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The ongoing firefighters' dispute has provoked a rash of media and New
Labour hysteria and venom. Terms like 'modernisation', 'union dinosaur'
and the like have been bandied about as if people knew what they meant.
Here's a modest attempt to help everyone to understand the media and New
Labourite Newspeak. 

'40% pay rise' - a totally unacceptable figure, unless it's for
politicians and bosses. 

'placing lives in danger' - a totally unacceptable thing to do, unless
politicians and bosses do it (see 'modernisation'). 

'modernisation' - a return to the workplace feudalism of the nineteenth
century. 

'flexibility' - doing what your boss tells you, when it suits them. 

'government for all the people' - government for the capitalist class. 

'sectional interests' - the interests of anyone bar the capitalist class
Ð i.e. the interests of the majority. See 'undemocratic'. 

'high wage increases' - selfish, unacceptable demands by those who
actually do the work. By definition, bad for 'the economy' (q.v.). 

'high profits' - unselfish, altruistic, acceptable demands by those who
give the orders. By definition, good for 'the economy' (q.v.). 

'union' - a form of free association which harms 'economic liberty'
(q.v.) and can result in 'industrial anarchy' (q.v.). An unacceptable
reminder that picking a master doesn't equal liberty. In extreme cases
that can turn into 'syndicalism' (q.v.). 

'union bullies' - workers standing up for themselves and placing
'economic liberty' (q.v.) in danger. 

'union dinosaurs' - workers who don't wish their rights to go the same
way as the Stegosaurus, and take annoyingly effective action which the
government and employers can't ignore (see 'direct action'). 

'strike' - an unacceptable and unpleasant reminder of 'the bad old days'
(q.v.) and that the 'working class' (q.v.) still exists and has power to
change the world. A particularly effective form of 'protest' (q.v.) and
'direct action' (q.v.). 

'sympathy strikes' - unacceptably expressing selfish regard for your
fellow workers. 

'the bad old days' - when working class people didn't know their place
and caused 'industrial anarchy' (q.v.). 

'protest' - a right everybody has, but nobody should exercise. 

'justice' - a clear sign that the speaker has not subjected their ideas
to 'modernisation' (q.v.). 

'direct action' - any form of collective resistance which unacceptably
puts your betters into the unpleasant situation of having to think about
what those affected by their decisions may think and want 
(see 'working class'). By definition, 'undemocratic' (q.v.). 

'industrial anarchy' - what results when people apply the extremist
nonsense that workers are human beings and shouldn't have to leave their
rights, humanity and liberty at the workplace door. 

'working class' - a class which doesn't exist, but somehow manages to do
all the work. Has been known to effectively resist the decisions of the
'ruling class' (q.v.) and stop their plans for the betterment of 'the
economy' (q.v.) 

'ruling class' - a class which doesn't exist but somehow manages to
govern the world and give the orders. Has been known to be terrified of
the non-existent 'working class' (q.v.) and its power. 

'democracy' - the embodiment of freedom, whereby a handful of
politicians, elected by 25% of the people, do what they, the
politicians, want for four years. Anyone objecting to this 'government
for all the people' (q.v.) is simply expressing 'sectional interests'
(q.v.) and anyone turning words into action is being 'undemocratic'
(q.v.). 

'undemocratic' - the embodiment of tyranny, whereby the people affected
by a decision collectively organise themselves to influence it or, even
worse, make it themselves. Any attempt by people to govern themselves,
rather than letting those better able to judge in the matter do so, is,
by definition, 'undemocratic' (q.v.). See 'undemocratic anarchy'. 

'the economy' - our new god, for which no sacrifice made by you at our
demand is unacceptable. 

'economic liberty' - do what you are told or get fired. 

'free market' - the natural order, as created and maintained by state
action. See 'laissez-faire'. 

'capitalism' - another name for 'economic liberty' 
(q.v.). An economy where people's choices are unaffected by differences
in wealth and power. The embodiment of liberty, defined as having to
sell that liberty on the 'free market' (q.v.) in order to survive. 

'the state' - an institution which has no place in the 'free market'
(q.v.) and so must be gotten off our back and onto the back of the
'working class' (q.v.). See 'laissez-faire'. 

'wealth creation' - the process by which the bosses get both the credit
and the goods produced by the workers who sell their liberty to them. 

'undemocratic anarchy' - the activity of those extremists who believe in
the nonsensical idea that those affected by a decision should make it,
rather than leave power in the hands of a few politicians, bureaucrats
and capitalists. Inspired by 'anarchism' (q.v.), these extremists use
'direct action' (q.v.) and aim for 'anarchy' (q.v.). 

'anarchism' - an evil doctrine which spreads the nonsense that liberty
is more than picking masters and that another world is possible. See
'syndicalism'. 

'syndicalism' - the industrial form of 'anarchism' (q.v.). Promotes
'strikes' (q.v.) and other forms of 'direct action' (q.v.). This results
in 'industrial anarchy' (q.v.) and 'high wage increases' (q.v.). Can
lead to 'anarchy' (q.v.). 

'anarchy' Ð an impossible dream which, annoyingly enough, has worked
remarkably successfully when put into practice. Based on the ridiculous
notion that humanity deserves a better way of living than 'capitalism'
(q.v.) can provide and that society should be composed of free people
cooperating together as equals, sharing the world to directly meet their
needs and desires. 

Iain McKay 

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