[mobglob-discuss] Humour

[Carl Stewart]

WASHINGTON, DC—Frustrated with the United Nations' "consistent, blatant 
regard for the will of its 188 member nations," the U.S. announced 
Monday the formation of its own international governing body, the 
U.S.U.N.
Above: The U.S. and U.S. delegations.
"The U.N. has repeatedly demonstrated an inability to act decisively in 
carrying out actions the U.S. government deems necessary," U.S.U.N. 
Secretary General Colin Powell said. "Every time we tried to get 
something accomplished, it inevitably got bogged down in procedural 
policies, bureaucratic formalities, and Security Council votes."
"I predict the U.S.U.N. will be extremely influential in world politics 
in the coming decades," Powell continued. "In fact, you can count on it."
The new organization will be based in Houston, where a $400 million 
U.S.U.N. Building is currently under construction. The U.S.U.N. Charter, 
ratified unanimously by delegates in a four-minute vote Monday, sets 
forth the mission of the organization as "the proliferation of peace and 
international economic, social, and humanitarian progress through 
deference to the U.S."
"The U.S.U.N. resembles the original in almost every way, right down to 
all the flags outside our headquarters," said Condoleezza Rice, a U.S. 
delegate to the U.S.U.N. "This organization will carry out peacekeeping 
missions all over the world, but, unlike the U.N., these missions will 
not be compromised by the threat of opposition by lesser nations."
In its first act, the U.S.U.N. Security Council unanimously backed a 
resolution to liberate Iraq's people and natural resources from the rule 
of Saddam Hussein.
"We gave the old U.N. a go for I don't know how many years, but it just 
wasn't working," said Dick Cheney, a U.S. delegate to the U.S.U.N. 
"Really, I have no idea what we were doing sacrificing all that power 
and autonomy in exchange for a couple of lousy troops from New Zealand."
Added Cheney: "I can't tell you how much easier it is to achieve 
consensus when you don't have to worry about dissent."
Cheney, along with Rice, Donald Rumsfeld, Tom Ridge, and George W. Bush, 
make up the five permanent members of the 15-person U.S.U.N. Security 
Council.
"The five Security Council members have veto power to block U.S.U.N. 
resolutions for military action," Rumsfeld said. "Not that anyone would, 
but it's nice to have, nonetheless."
According to Powell, in spite of the fact that delegates hail from every 
corner of the U.S., General Assembly meetings have been refreshingly 
free of rancor.
"We've got Bill Frist from Tennessee, Tom DeLay from Texas, and Dennis 
Hastert from way up in Illinois," U.S.U.N. delegate Rick Santorum said. 
"Despite the diverse backgrounds of the delegates, cooperation has not 
been a problem—unlike at some outmoded, gridlocked international 
peacekeeping bodies I could name."
The official U.S.U.N. language is English. The official religion is 
Christianity.
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