[Humanpowered] Unconditional Acceptance?!

[Dave Olsen]

Wednesday morning at 11am, I'll be hosting our first Parenting with an Open 
Heart Programme TeleSeminar and our topic is *Unconditional Acceptance*.

What comes to mind for you?  How does that idea feel, deep inside...

For me, it is reassuring, knowing I (or my child) can do anything and I'll 
(she'll) still be loved for who I (she) is.

Easy to say.  Maybe even not desired at first glance.  So let's look deeper...

No matter what happens, I, as a parent, need to express my feelings ABOUT THE 
EVENT, and NOT JUDGE the child.  I want to be sure that unacceptable behaviour 
is known to be unacceptable, but that I still fully accept and love my child, 
even as I express my anger or disappointment.

Here are two examples:

If my toddler walks across a street without holding my hand, I want to let her 
know that I will not accept _that behaviour_.  I'd say something like "it's 
really important to me that we hold hands when we cross a street because I want 
to know that we are both safe.  If cars and trucks didn't use this street, then 
I wouldn't care, but they do so I need us to hold hands every time we cross."

For my teenager, who just took the car without asking, I might say "our car is 
used by all of us in this family.  I need to know when you want to use it so 
that we can schedule with everyone else's needs.  But more importantly, I need 
to know when you are using it so I can be available in case there's a problem.  
If driving cars wasn't the number 1 reason people get hurt or get stranded, I 
wouldn't be so concerned.  So let's use the car in a way that works for 
everyone, okay?"

No Blame, Shame, or Guilt.  Just honestly expressing my needs.  And nothing 
permissive either!

Now if I was really pissed off at the car not being available because I missed 
an appointment, I might start with "I'm so angry right now I could almost 
explode.  I arranged to _______ and I couldn't do that because the car was not 
here when I expected it to be.  I even announced that I needed it last night!  I 
really need us to work together if you want to use the car in the future because 
I will not accept this happening again.  Can you assure me that you'll check in 
with me EVERY TIME you want to use the car, BEFORE you use it, even if you have 
to wait to get a hold of me?"

Of course, I could be rougher or use stronger language, but remember, WE ARE 
ROLE MODELLING in every moment, so I'm trying to show how to express myself in a 
respectful way, because I _know_ that I will have my example thrown back at me 
soon afterwards!

So nouns like Idiot or Moron and adjectives like irresponsible, ignorant, or 
stupid have NO PLACE in our discussion.

And if our child is used to hearing blame, whether from you or someone else, it 
may help her/him to hear you by adding in something like, "I love you.  I don't 
want you to be hurt and I take my responsibility seriously as your parent.  I 
want you to know what I need so you can do what you need and still be safe.  
You're my joy/preciousness/sweetie wheatie and I want to be able to hug you 
whenever I feel the urge...like right now!"  (A hug would be a good thing right 
then ;)

Now if you're still on the fence about joining our Parenting with an Open Heart 
Programme and Community, you have until 9pm PST tonight (Tuesday, November 12) 
to join.  It's really down to the wire. Now is the time to act.
You can get all the details here:
CLOSING: click for registration details <http://parenting.lasqueti.ca>
best regards, Dave


P.S. Parents who have missed the in-arms period and all the other development 
stages that depend on it, simply CANNOT transform themselves into a parent who 
doesn't doubt themselves without help.  It just isn't possible.

That help can come in many different forms.  I've seen this transformation come 
through meditation, reading, art therapy...I'm sure there's more.  By 
Unconditionally Accepting our children, we will help reduce or eliminate the 
time needed for them to transform.  Certainly a gift I want to give my daughter.

This TeleSeminar Series won't heal you or your child; but it IS designed to 
inspire and support your transformation so that you can to bring more Joy and 
Happiness into your Family Life...NOW.

It's a weekly reminder to focus on Parenting, with 2 hot topics each week!  The 
whole lineup is below...ENJOY!
CLOSING: click for registration details <http://parenting.lasqueti.ca>


_November 13_
11am: *Unconditional Acceptance*...moving beyond Unconditional Love...99.99% of 
humans before us have experienced both, so why aren't we (I know I haven't!)?  
Here's how to give it to our children and break another cycle...
8PM: *Punishments and Coercion*: both of these create short term compliance but 
also long term defiance.  Learn why in the long run, neither are effective and 
simply cause more problems than they may solve in the short term...


_November 20_
11am: *Cooperation vs. Obedience*: Heck, we'd all love children and dogs that 
simply listened to us and did what we say, but what is it that we truly want for 
our kids: mindless obedience or people that can think for themselves?  
Uncovering what Cooperation really looks like will help us find a model to 
follow and role-model...
8PM: *Rewards*: The opposite of Punishments but with the same result: they 
undermine our intrinsic worth and erode the trust that our children feel...


_November 27_
11am: *The In-arms Stage*: How long does it last and why is it that important?  
And if we've missed it, what can we do...
8PM: *Curbing our Children's Impulses*: Why do we (the civilized) believe that 
we have to curb children's impulses to socialize them, instead of believing we 
are innately social beings?  How can we trust what we've been trained not to?!


_December 4_
11am: *Choice: *How do we give our children choice safely?  What have children 
done with it from time immemorial and what can we do to develop their skills in 
making decisions...
8PM: *Competition: *A natural part of humanness or a sign of something missing?


_December 11_
11am: *Taking Responsibility for our Children:* Where do we draw the line so 
that we keep them safe without creating problems...
8PM: *What is our "Evolved Nature"?*  Why our subconscious mind has evolved to 
take care of us and how our immense intellect can undermine it so radically, if 
we let it...


_December 18_
11am: *Self-Reliance*: How do we teach this to our children?
8PM: *Getting Around Without a Car:* We'll explore practical tips for walking, 
biking, and busing as a family...


December 25 - Enjoy the Holiday!


January 1 - Welcome the New Year!


_January 8_
11am: *We Are What We Eat!*  How to inspire our children to eat well so we can 
all feel better...
8PM: *To Vaccinate or Not:* let's look at the facts and see what is helpful and 
what is not...


_January 15_
11am: *The Political Underside of the Education System:* John Taylor Gatto's 
research and writing has exposed the reals reasons we have brick and mortar 
schools.  If we understand this history, can we safely send our kids to school?
8PM: *Natural Learning:* Why home- or un-schooling is also called natural 
learning and how we can facilitate this kind of growth in our children...without 
being a teacher!


_January 22_
11am: *Inspiration vs Power Struggle:* How to Inspire the behaviours that you 
desire rather than creating a power struggle...
8PM: *"I" Statements*: The power of using I statements to express our feelings 
and needs...


_January 29_
11am: *Co-sleeping*: what exactly is this and why has it been going on for millenia?
8PM: *Expectations*: do you realize what you're expecting of your child?  You 
may not, but your child certainly does!  Let's look at how this works and how we 
can be more conscious of our expectations...



                                      ethical environmental consulting  1 
Beautiful Bicycle Lane, Lasqueti Island  V0R 2J0

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