[Blacklabcollective] Shawn lovebomb situation - next steps

Thu Mar 17 13:34:12 PDT 2016

yea i don't think anyone is trying to ban anyone. but i do think it's
important that stuff like this is out in the open and discussed and shared
because it's a safety issue and i feel that way about anyone who has done
these types of things. which is a lot of people. we can't deal with stuff
if it's all secretive and hidden away and that contributes to further harm,
in my opinion. i think open dialogue is important.

i do know of two other incidents.
one in which a good friend of mine was at a party and he was repeatedly
grabbing at her crotch zone while she was literally trying to push him away
and telling him to leave her alone. this was witnessed by someone else at
the party, who had to make him leave after that, as he didn't seem to
understand that that was inappropriate. that was a few years ago now.
and when he lived at the alf house i know there was an incident in which he
brought someone back to the house who was extremely intoxicated (passing
out, was described to me as "non-verbal") and was trying to bring her into
his room... his roommates had to intervene and put her to bed on the couch
so that he wouldn't potentially assault her.

im not bringing these things up to demonize him but more to note that this
has been an ongoing issue he has had with many women, and partly to take
the pressure off the more recent people who have come forward. i think it's
been dealt with as best as people have been able to in the moment of seeing
things happen on a case by case basis, but i do wonder if maybe more
conversations happening and it being more out in the open and known is
useful in some way. i don't want to ban him either, i mean i'm playing a
show with him and lindsay's band tonight... but i do think that it's
important that these things don't get swept under the rug and that they are
addressed.

On Thu, Mar 17, 2016 at 12:35 PM, Anju Singh <aanjusingh at gmail.com> wrote:

> I don't think we are making decisions here, let me know if I shouldn't be
> sending this info to the list!
>
> It is in our policy to not ban people, so I also am not into that.
>
> I am also not sure if I can put much energy into this to be honest, I'm
> just relaying messages and am not interested in defending/pursuing process
> with anyone.
>
> Anju
>
>
> On Thursday, 17 March 2016, Eris Nyx <erisnyx at hotmail.ca> wrote:
>
>> I haven't had the chance to chime in on this, but regardless of what
>> Shawn has done I'm pretty politically against banning him from the space.
>> Singling out one predatory person doesn't stop there from being predatory
>> people.
>>
>> If y'all want him to engage in some sort of accountability process,
>> that's up to you, but personally I'm not that into that either.
>>
>> Can we save decision making for our meeting?
>> -Eris
>>
>> ------------------------------
>> From: aanjusingh at gmail.com
>> Date: Thu, 17 Mar 2016 12:19:39 -0700
>> To: blacklabcollective at lists.resist.ca
>> Subject: Re: [Blacklabcollective] Shawn lovebomb situation - next steps
>>
>> Hello,
>>
>> Unfortunately, I was approached with another Shaun story that the person
>> wants shared with the collective. I guess word is getting around.
>> They don't want to be revealed but is someone i know very well, and
>> several of you know well, here are the details they wanted relayed.
>>
>>    - He approached her and starting hitting on her. During this he asked
>>    her age, she said 20, he said he was surprised and said he thought she was
>>    18. This made her very uncomfortable.
>>    - She gave clear signs that she was not interested and that she
>>    didn't want to talk to him.
>>    - He then offered "i'll pay your taxi and buy your drinks if you let
>>    me come and share your bed and sleep with you"
>>    - She said she said that she doesn't go home with strangers and
>>    turned away from him. He continued to try to get her attention.
>>    - He tried to contact her again afterwards, she denied contact.
>>
>> She said she was really creeped out by this older dude trying to sleep
>> with her when she is super young and looks super young and was drinking
>> heavily.
>>
>> On Mon, Mar 14, 2016 at 2:40 PM, Anju Singh <aanjusingh at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> I asked Michelle and she is ok to send to the list, I told her I had
>> asked everyone independently (mainly to save on emailing) but this might
>> actually save more on emailing ha.
>>
>> If you don't want to read this please ignore it. Thanks.
>>
>> ****CONFIDENTIAL****
>> Please do not share information from this email or this email itself, do
>> not save, post publically or make reference to this. This is for the Black
>> Lab Collective only.
>>
>> START STATEMENT:
>>
>> "I'd like to make aware an issue that I had to deal with for my safety,
>> not only for myself, but for other women. I was involved with Shawn Lovblom
>> sexually for 3 years on and off. As time passed, I noticed a lot of weird
>> things about his behaviour. He is really unstable and has problems
>> maintaining boundaries. Even the way he behaves sexually is very crass and
>> misogynistic. I was warned by several people about his nature however
>> continued to sleep with him. In the beginning of the relationship, there
>> was a borderline rapey situation as well which frightens me about how he
>> behaves with other women. It seems he likes to advance sexually when the
>> women are very intoxicated. I remember waking up to him strategically
>> undressing me when I could hardly move from being so drunk. Later on, I
>> quit the band we played in together because he threatened to break into my
>> house and started to resent me for not wanting to be his girlfriend.
>> Stupidly, I let him back in my life. Recently, I tried to talk to his
>> girlfriend with whom he keeps very separated from all his friends and
>> partying. This set him off. He showed up to my house at 730am despite me
>> ignoring 9 phone calls. He was sending me texts that didn't make sense. He
>> was yelling at me from outside my house banging on my front door and my
>> bedroom window. Shallow threats and insults that didn't make sense. My
>> roommate let him in because when he saw her, he calmed down to trick her to
>> get in. As soon as he got in, he started banging on my bedroom door again
>> making shallow threats and insulting me. I told him to get out of my house
>> and he refused. Finally, after 10 minutes he left. I called the women's
>> crisis line and I have filed a report with the police. I am still waiting
>> on the officer to come see me and talk about either a peace bond or a
>> restraining order. With all this, I don't feel safe around him. Ive talked
>> with one of his best friends and we've agreed that Shawn should take a
>> break from music and partying to see a psychiatrist or get some therapy. We
>> are concerned about his drug use and his behaviour patterns and want to
>> handle it as sort of an intervention. I was told his bandmates want to see
>> his doctor's notes because of his history with lying so I'm sure he knows
>> it's a serious matter. As far as accountability, I need time but I think
>> with that time, I would be open to a witnessed apology so that he can come
>> back to play music healthy and well."
>>
>> END STATEMENT
>>
>> On Monday, 14 March 2016, mick mccann <nomoreroads at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> I'd like to hear her statement and I wouldn't tell anyone.
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>> > On Mar 14, 2016, at 1:19 PM, Anju Singh <aanjusingh at gmail.com> wrote:
>> >
>> > I have a written statement from Michelle that she wants to share with
>> the collective. Should I send it here? It is of the utmost importance that
>> this never been shown or the information inside shared with anyone.
>> >
>> > If anyone thinks they will have trouble keeping confidentiality or who
>> don't want to see the statement until the meeting please let me know. Those
>> that do I can send it to you by private email.
>> >
>> > Again this is 100% confidential and for collective members only.
>> >
>> > She is also asking to come to the meeting to answer questions or work
>> together on a solution if we want, she wants the support and is fine to
>> respect our process.
>> >
>> >
>> > --
>> > Anju Singh
>> >
>> >
>> > _______________________________________________
>> > Blacklabcollective mailing list
>> > Blacklabcollective at lists.resist.ca
>> > https://lists.resist.ca/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/blacklabcollective
>> _______________________________________________
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>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Anju Singh
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Anju Singh
>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________ Blacklabcollective
>> mailing list Blacklabcollective at lists.resist.ca
>> https://lists.resist.ca/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/blacklabcollective
>>
>
>
> --
> Anju Singh
>
>
>
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